The KanLena Curse
by EternalDarkSoul
Summary: Katsura Hoshino was kidnaped! But for what? MUUUUUAAAAHHHH! For the sake of all the Kanlena fans of course! And this time, Even Kanda suports it!


**Author's note: **So, I was talking with Shiary (a person with an extreme good imagination – THANK YOU SHIARY!), the conversation started to roll, and the topic "KanLena" and "Damn you Katsura Hoshino for not end Lenalee together with Kanda" came. Then my fury for that started to grow without stop and I wrote some things of what could happen between me and Katsura Hoshino because of KanLena. Shiary started to gave me ideas, and I keep writing them, and she told me than I should post them. So these are Shiary ideas too, ok? This is our "story", and not just mine. I just made some changes of the original conversation for look more consistent, after all, this wasn't nothing planned or thought. XD This was just for fun!

PS: I'm not offending Katsura Hoshino, ok! This was just an explosion of anger! Please read and REVIEW! THANK YOU SHIARY!

All began with a comment of mine:

"BTW:I saw a real gunshot in a store, and I almost ask to my father to buy it for I kill Katsura Hoshino and Kanda's supose "love" in manga! GGGGGRRR"

Me: Here it goes! You can say your last words! MUUUAAAAAHHHHH! *evil laugh*  
>Katsura: No please! Have mercy!<br>Me: Too late! *poiting the gunshot to the victim*  
>Katsura: Ok! WAIT! I change the manga and I will finish Kanda and lenalee together, but don't kill me!<br>Me: HUMMMM... *thinking hard* OK!*Lenalee childish face* Komui!  
>Komui: Yes?<br>Me: Put a Komurin pointing my gunshot on her head to make sure than she changes the manga. I can't do it now: I have to go to Mc Donald's! And one more thing Katsura: I will know if you tell someone than I threat you! I'll be back... *terminator style* XD

Then, Shiary told me: "lol! wow Why don't you just imprison the DGM mangaka in your basement until she send a finished copy of the changes? That way it's easier and you have total control over the mangaka"

My answer to her: "Hummmmm... I LIKE IT! I will feed her only with bread and water too! XD

Me: Here you have you lunch...  
>Katsura: Just this! I can't survive like this! And when can I see the sun light? I can't live in darkness!<br>Me: It's for you suffer the darkness than all the Kanlina fans passed through! Don't complain! WORK!  
>Katsura: What do you think of this kiss? *scary more*<br>Me: Terrible! Work proper or no food! I will go now...

Katsura: Wait! Don't let me here!  
>Me: Don't worry… I'll be back (again)! MMMMUUUUUAHHHHH! XD<p>

Then, Shiary told me: "lol don't forget the chains and the torture sessions! For when she tries to escape or messes up a scene of KandaxLenalee"

And was what I did:

A far away noise could be heard by Kastura Hoshino. She was scary, very scary. The sound was of... CHAINS! (my personal YUPI!) The basement's door opened abruptly. And here I was.

Katsura: My Master ... (shaking) What are doing here?... And for what are those... those... those chains?  
>Me: Muuuuuaaaaaahhhhhh *hyper EVIL laugh* ! I heard noises last night! And they were coming from here!<br>Katsura: Re...really? I didn't heard anything...*lying mode*  
>Me: Don't lie to me! Your baka! I know than you tried to escape!<br>Katsura: ME? Impossible, my master...  
>Me: ! I will show you the impossible! *chaining her*<br>Katsura: Help me! HELP! :o  
>Me: It's no way than someone hear you! Che... Stop screaming... and finish the "WORK"!<br>Katsura: WWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYY! Please Manga God, Help me!  
>Me: We fans of Kanlina are the Manga God! You are our prisoner! Muahahahahahahaha! XD<p>

Then Shiary told me: "lol shall we add akuma as guards? Oo and having some Noah visit once in a while to play with her... I'm sure the Millennium earl would love to have a talk with her as well..."

And was what I did:

Me: Katsura, I have a gift for you!  
>Katsura: You goanna let me take a walk? *Misaka Mikoto eyes when she see's Gekota*<br>Me: O_O  
>Katsura: ... What I'm I thinking? Of course not... So what is it, my master?<br>Me: Enter my dear companions!

A bunch of Akuma level 4 entered on the basement.

Kastura: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!  
>Me: O_O Akuma... You create them and you don't know what they are?<br>Katsura: O_O *shy* whatever... Why they are here?  
>Me: To guard you of course! Chains aren't enough! Akuma will be your guardian "Angels" XD<br>Katsura: GO TO HELL!  
>Me: O_O They came from hell...<br>Katsura: *shy* O_O  
>Me: And I have more presents for you, like a good Master! XD Tykki come in please!<br>Tikky: So that person goanna be my client?  
>Me: Yes!<br>Katsura: What! Wait a second: client of what?  
>Tikky: I don't want to. She made me ugly in the Arc scene! And made me loose against Cross! I looked ridiculous! Goodbye...<br>Me: Wait Tikky! But ok, I talk to you later Maybe I should call Road for do his work. Millennium, enter please!  
>Millennium: Hihihihihihi! So you're Katsura Hoshino!<br>Katsura: What is this fat man doing here!  
>Me: He wants to talk to you... he ask me a special visit...<br>Katsura: About what?  
>Millenium: About my end: I don't mind to be destroyed but I want a stylish end!<br>Katsura:O_O What kind of bad guy are you? I thought than you goanna ask me to make you more thin!  
>Millenium: You invented me! Don't complain!<br>Me: You see katsura: Your story is crap! Listen to Millennium, or I slide you off! By the way, I have a last gift! Cross, enter!  
>Cross: THE BEST MAN OF THE WORLD ARRIVES! Where is she?<br>Katsura: What is he doing here?  
>Me: HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI! He's here to make you write faster! Cross, please! I'm going away! Chau!<br>Cross: OK! *Cross takes his pants in front of katsura*  
>katsura: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! *Katsura starts to write faster* Don't look, don't look, DON'T LOOK!<p>

Then Shiary told me: "lol *laughing so loudly* Oo let have some yuri too :) Im sure Komui, Kanda, Allen and the other exorcist (especialy the dead ones) would love to join the fun :)"

And was what I did:

Me: Katsura... I brought you someone...  
>Katsura: My savior?<br>Me: O_O What kind of idiot you think I am?  
>Katsura: So it's my mother? She finally understood than she loves me after so many years and come brought me a cake to seal our family love?<br>Me: O_O CHE I don't even know who is your mother your ignorant!  
>Katsura: You don't? So how did you kidnap me? When you did it my mother was watching D gray man with me on TV. I thought than how she didn't do anything, you and her were combined! If was not her who gave you the keys, who did?<br>Me: O_O Wait a second! Your mother was that old full of red lipstick and dark eyeshadows pygmy? How could I guess?  
>Katsura: HEY! Don't offend my MUMY! But who is the visit after all?<br>Me: Miranda! ENTER!

A scary Miranda with a red hot diva dress came in.

Kastura: Her face is not like I create! She's suppose to be a ghost face and not a " I'm here to make you suffer" one!  
>ME: Miranda came for a personal reason!<br>Katsura: Personal reason?  
>Miranda: *evil smirk* YES! How dare you to make my character so insignificant and pathetic!<br>Katsura: Someone needed to stay on sidelines...  
>Miranda: But I'm an exorcist, and even Komui had a better roll!<br>Katsura: CHE... Whatever...  
>Miranda: Now I goanna make you feel what is suffer! MUUUAHHHHHHHH!<br>Me: Miranda... that evil laugh is mine!  
>Miranda: Sorry, sorry, sorry! I did everything wrong! Do you want me to repeat! Sorry!<br>Me: You're ruining everything! Is suppose you look evil! Put your evil face, NOW!  
>Miranda: OK! Where I was?<br>Me: *sigh deep* Just go to bed with her once for all... We leave the dramatic for other time.  
>Katsura: BED! WHAT! YOUR... ! I'm being violated!<p>

After Miranda violate Katsura, she went away tired and traumatized.

Me: Katsura...  
>Katsura: HUM! You're so dead! You will see! You made me a lesbian!<br>Me: It's well done! You made Kanda look gay! But anyway: it's here another person than wants to talk to you...  
>Katsura: with so many visits I can't write! Do you want the manga or not?<br>Komui: so you're Katsura Hoshino!  
>Katsura: OH MY GOD! Go away your sister complex! Your glasses light are made me blind! I'm in this darkness for months you know?<br>Komui: That's right I came talk about my sister! How dare you to make her wear such short skirts? I goanna kill you: I'm dreaming with that since I saw her uniform on clothe department!  
>Katsura: It looks good alright! You can't say it doesn't!<br>Komui: My pure sister! Your bother goanna clean your honor!  
>Allen: Wait a second! I goanna clean my honor first!<br>ME: Where did you come from? Kanda is right; you're really a bean sprout: I didn't saw you enter...  
>Allen: O_O Katsura: how dare you to make me look so idiot and SMALL! INOCENCE ACTIVATE!<br>Katsura: WAIT! I wanted some unique character! The hero is always strong and all good and that kind of stuff, and I'm tired of it, ok! Give me some space!  
>Allen: I don't care! It's my roll, it's me who have to suffer, not you! Make me big! *crying*<br>ME: O_O How do you wanna to threat someone if you're crying? How can you look a bad guy if you cry?  
>Allen: O_O *blushing hard*<br>Kanda: I'm the one who goanna kill her, not you!  
>All: KANDA?<br>Kanda: What? A person can't do a big entrance anymore? Katsura how dare you to not make me end with Lenalee? I love her since we're kids! We spend an entire childhood together, for in the end we got so apart, like we just didn't know each other!  
>Komui: Wait a second! Who gave permission to love MY LENALEE!<br>Allen: Yeah... who? I'm the main character: I'm the one who have to be in love!  
>Me: Shut up all of you! I want to see the scene!<br>Kanda: Thank you for the support.  
>Me: You welcome! BTW: I'm your fan...<br>Kanda: YOU are! Great! lLeft a review on my fan book, alright? But coming back to the real issue: I'm goanna kill you Katsura!  
>Katsura: That's not fair! I did you a long beautiful hair! That's not enough?<br>Kanda: What is the point to have a beautiful hair if I can have the woman I love? I want Lenalee for me!  
>Katsura: But Lenalee it's for allen...<br>Allen: I told you, your soba samurai... *giggles*  
>Kanda: Shut up bean sprout! BTW katsura: Take that idiot of the manga: he wants to take me Lenalee and he's ugly...<p>

And this is what I'm adding:

Allen: I'm not ugly!

Kanda: Shut up! Katsura: I want Lenalee for me! If you not put us together, I swear I kill you!

Katsura: I'm already working on it, ok? Damn! Can be possible than no one is happy with the own roll?

Kanda: I want you to right a proper kiss scene! NOW!

Allen: A kiss? *thinking than Kanda was asexual*

Katsura: I already write millions of kisses, but She always say than they're horrible!

Me: And I'm right! Look at this crap Kanda!

Kanda: You're right! This is crap! This isn't a kiss, this is a seal! I want more passion on it!

Katsura: A seal it's more romantic…

Kanda: I love her for ages, and we not kids anymore, ok? When we were kids we used to share seal, but now we need more elaborated things!

Komui: WHAT? You kissed MY Lenalee when you were kids? How did I never know it?

Kanda: We share at night them when she was sleeping in my room. Other times we share them in the Order corners.

Komui: What? *fainting*

Katsura: That's all very nice, but I don't have inspiration for write more kisses!

Me: Maybe I can solve your problem! Let's call Lenalee, so she and Kanda can kiss in front of you, for you get inspiration!

Kanda: And how do you know where Lenalee is?

Me: I'm writing this, if I say that I know, I know! Ok?

Me and Shiary on the phone:

Me: Shiary!

Shiary: HI! I'm having lunch with Lenalee now, can you call later?

Me: No. I actually need Lenalee with me now.

Shiary: For what?

Me: Kanda is here, with me and Katsura. She needs to see them kissing to get inspiration.

Shiary: If is for Kanlena sake, I coming now! Lenalee, prepare your dark boots!

Lenalee: For what?

Shiary: Do you want to kiss Kanda?

Leanlee: YYYYYYEEEEEESSSSS!

Shiary: So dress your dark boots for we get to him faster! We right there in one hour Eternal!

Me: I… Kanda is waiting then.

2 hours later:

Kanda: Where's Lenalee? You said than she was here in 1 and already passed 2!

Me: How can I know?

Shiary: Here we are! Where are you?

Me: We are in Katsura room!  
>Katsura: You call this a room? I call this a prison on a basement! Look at these chains!<p>

Me: JUST KEEP WORKING!

Lenalee: Kanda!

Kanda: Lenalee! Why did you take so long?

Shiary: She wanted to look beautiful for you, so she spend 1 hour and half on the shopping!

Me: Why didn't you bring her by force?

Shiary: Are stupid or what? We were coming with her dark boots: if she didn't want to come I wasn't exactly the best person to force her since she is the vehicle.

ME: O_O Thanks for your help Shiary! :)

Shiary: NO problem! Everything for Kanlena! ;)

Kanda: yeah yeah! Stop with that: there is a kiss to happen! Katsura, get ready!

Katsura: Alright…

All: KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS *Komui didn't enter on it of course – he was still fainted*

And the kiss happen…

Allen: WWWWOOOOOOWWWW

Allen: That's not a kiss! That's almost sex! And should be me doing it with Lenalee!

Me and Shiray: Shut up Allen! Did you still not understand than the manga goanna be changed!

Allen: I'm not goanna be the main character anymore?

Shiray: You will. But Lenalee goanna be for Kanda and Kanda for Lenalee!

Allen: *crying* NOT FAIR! THE PIGTAILED GIRL WAS FOR ME!

Shiary: You goanna still have Lou Fa or Road…

Allen: I don't want them! They don't have long sexy legs! Why Kanda's get's all what his good: good face, good body, good fight, good style, good past… good hair…and Lenalee!

Kanda: *stop kissing for a minute* correction bean sprout: it's AWESOME hair, not good hair!

Katsura: Just keep kissing, Kanda! I'm getting inspiration (faster I finish, faster I get out of here). And you two can use my bed! I want to see more for get more inspiration!

Kanda: Really! GOOD! XD

Months later:

Me and Shiary: Ahahahahahahahaha! Finally the manga was publish! Look at these KanLena end! And these scenes! *releasing fireworks*

Katsura: So know release me! I already change the manga, now I can be free!

Me: No way…

Katsura: what?

Shiary: Do you think than this is enough? And the fanarts, the doujinshis, the fanfictions?

Katsura: That is fan job!

Shiary: That is what do you think! Fanart, doujinshi and fics are all unofficial, and we need official stuff! Right Eternal?

ME: YAP! So start working, Katsura! Before I point you my shotgun!

Katsura: NNNNOOOOOOO!

Me and Shiary: We came to see how the work is going later. WE WILL BE BACK! *terminator style* MMMMMUUUUAHHHHHH! XD

This was the Katsura Kanlena curse! MUUUUUAAAHHHHHH! *double evil laugh* XD


End file.
